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1 Ion 
t FmIo 

S Th« L»dy vf Lyons 
4 Rich«li«u 
( Th«Wif« 
• Th« Honeymoon 

I Th» School for ScMid»l 
t MoD«y 

VOL. IL 
t Th« Strangtr 

10 (irkndfkthtr Whitehead 

11 Richard III 

H LoT«'i Sacrifice 

IS The Gameiter 

14 A Cure for the Heartache 

1» The Hunchback 

II Don Ceesar d« Baxan 

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II Hamlet 
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80 Venice Preeeryed 
31 Piiarro 

92 Tlie Lore Chaee 
33 Otbello 

94 Lend me FiTe ShlUlnge 
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91 King of the Coinmone 
37 Loudon Auurance 
91 The Rent Day 

99 Two Gentleuirii of Verona 
gOThe Jealou. Wife 
11 The Rival* 
II Perfection 

VOL. V. [Debts 

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14 Look Before You Leap 

lo King John 

•4 Nervous Man 

n Damon and Pvthlai 

18 Clandestine Marriage 
It William Tell 

40 Day after the Wedding 

VOL. VI. 

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41 Romeu and Juliet 
41 Feudal Timet 

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4Ii The Bride 

4( The Follies of a Night 

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48 Faint Heart Never Won 

VOL. VIL 

49 Road to Ruin 
»0 Macbeth 

6\ Temper 

61 Eradne 

63 Bertram 

54 The Duenna 

6ft Much Ado About Nothing 

ftlThe Critic 

VOL. VIII. 
S7 The Apostate 
6R Twelfth Night 

19 Brutus 

10 Simpion & Co 

II Merchai.t of Venice 

C9 Old Headsdi Young Hearts 

43 Mountaineers [riage 

14 Three Weeks after Mar- 

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IIL«T« 

11 As Tou Like It 

t1 The Elder Brother 

M Werner 

II Gistppua 

TO Town and Country 

Tl King Lear 

T< Blue Devils 

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T4 Married and lln|rl« 
Tl Henry IV 
Tl Paul Pry 
TT Gay Mannartng 
Tl Sweethearts and Wires 
Tl Serious Family 
10 Sbe Stoeps t* Oonqawr 



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8'.' Vicar of Wakefield 
ii Leap Year 
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»5 The Passing Cloud 

86 Drunkard 

87 Rob Roy 

88 George Barnwell 

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90 Sketches in India 
<jn Two Friends 
9; Jane Shore 
93 Corsican Brothers 
64 Mind your own Business 
95 Writing on the Wall 

91 Heir at Law 

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9-- Douglas 
99 Marco Spada 
lUO Nature's Nobleman 

101 Sardanapalus 

102 Civiliiation 

103 The Robbers 

104 Katharine and Petruchio 
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106 Midsummer Night's 

107 Ernestine [Dream 

108 Rag Picker of Paris 

109 Flying Dutchman 
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114 Sea of Ice 

115 Seven Clerks 

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118 Bryan Boroihme 

119 Romance and Reality 

120 Ugolino 

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122 The Pilot 

123 Carpenter of Rouen 
1 4 King's Rival 
1 25 Little Trensure 
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12' Parents and Guardians 
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VOL. XVIL 
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130 Married Life 

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133 David Copperfield 

134 Aline, or the Rose of 
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136 Jane Eyre 

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138 ^thiop 
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151 Ben Bolt 

157 Sailor of FrftBce 

158 Red Mask 

159 Life of an Aotreit 
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162 Hofer 

163 Self 

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165 Phantom 

166 Franklin [Moscow 

167 The Gunmaker of 

168 The Love of a Princ« 
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no Rory O'More 
171 Golden Eagle 
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173 Broke . Sword 

174 Rip V.-»n WinkU 

175 Isabelle 

176 Heart of Mid Lothian 
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177 Actress of Padua 
78 Heating Beacon 

179 Bride of Lammermoor 
18u Cataract of the Ganges 
181 Robber of the Rhine 

82 School of Reform 

83 Wandering Boys 
S4 Mazeppa 

VcTl. XXIV. 

185 Young New York 

186 The Victims 

187 Romance after Marriage 

188 Brigand 

189 Poor of New York 

190 Ambrose Gwinett 

191 Raymond and Agnes 

192 Gambler's Fate 
VOL. XXV. 

193 Father and Son 

194 Massaniello 

195 Sixteen String Jack 

196 Youthful Queen 

197 Skeleton Witness 

198 Innkeeper of Abbeville 

199 Miller and his Men 

200 Aladdin 
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202 Undine 

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204 Asmodeus 

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206 Blanche of Brandywine 
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210 Victorine 

211 Wizard of the Wave 

212 Castle Spectre 

213 Horse-shoe Robinson 
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21 Fashion, Mrs. Mowatt 

216 Glance at New York 
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218 Ilncle Tom's Cabin 

219 Guide to the Stage 

220 Veteran 

221 Miller of New Jersey 

222 Dark Hour before Dawn 

223 Midsum'rNigbt's Dream 
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224 Art and Artifice 
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229 Pauvrette 

230 Man in the Iron Mask 

231 Knight of Arva 

232 Moll Pitcher 
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234 Satan in Paris 

235 Rosina Meadows [ess 
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988 The Lady and the Devil 
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240 Masks and Faces [ly 



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242 Mary's Birthday 

243 Shandy Maguire 

244 Wild Oats 

245 Michael Erie 

246 Idiot Witness 

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248 People's Lawyer 
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251 Surgeon of Paris 

252 Patrician's Daughte» 

253 Shoemakur of Toul use 

254 Momentous Question 

255 Love and Loyalty 

256 Robber's Wife 
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257 Dumb Girl of Genoa 
Wreck Ashore 

259 Clari 

260 Rural Felicity 

261 WallHce 

262 Madelalne 

263 The Fireman 

264 Grist to the Mill 
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265 Two Loves and a Life 

266 Annie Blake 

267 Steward 

268 Captain Kyd 

269 Niik of the Woods 

270 Marble Heart 

27 1 Second Love 

272 Dream at Sea 

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273 Breach of Promise 

274 Review 

275 Lady of the Lake 

276 Still Water Runs Deep 

277 The Scholar 

278 Helping Hands 

279 Faust and Marguerite 

280 Last Man 
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282 Old and Young 

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284 Ruth Oakley 

285 British Sir .'e 
266 A Life's Ransom 
287 Giralda 
28 Time Tries All 

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290 Warlock of the Glen 

291 Zelina 

292 Beatrice 
2^3 Neighbor Jackwood 
?94 Wonder 

295 Robert Emmet 

296 Green Bushes 
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298 A Bachelor of Arts 

299 The Midnieht Banquet 

300 Husband of in Hour 

301 Love's Labor Lost 
Naiad Queen 

303 Caprice 
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306 Country Squire 

307 Fraud and Us Vietlmt 

308 Putnam 
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111 A Hard Struggle 
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VOL. XL. 
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814 LavaUr, or Not a Bad 
315 The Noble Heart 
311 Coriolanus 
317 The Winter's Tal« 
USEveleen Wilson 

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THE FOUR INNOCENTS 



a flap for <(Birl^* in €l)ree 3lct^ 



BY 



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Copyright, 1910, by Samuel French 



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THE FOUR INNOCENTS. 



Cbaracters* 

Nancie, 
Kate, 

Patty, a Personally Conducted Party of GirU 

Claka, Traveling in Europe. 

Mabel, 

Judith, 

Mrs. Barksdale. Personal Conductor of Girls. 

Pandora, ^ 

Athena, Kt,, ^ 

^ The Fresh Sisters. 
Socratesia, 

Aphodite, j 

Maria Casterville. Chaperonne of the Fresh Sisters. 

Brigida O'Briggins. The Maid. 



TMP96-006727 



©CI.D 22617 



THE FOUR INNOCENTS. 



ACT. I. 

Time : Noon. 

Place : An Island off the Coast of England. 

Scene : Trees ^ etc. Fence with stile over it (any outdoor 
scene will answer). Efiter Mabel, Nancie and 
Judith, followed by Mrs. B., and carryifig baskets^ 
pillows and mat^azines. All talking and laughing. 

Mabel {looks around, drops basket and clasps her 
hands). Oh! Isn't this perfectly lovely and romantic 
looking ! 

Nan. Yes, it's pretty, but I don't see anything ro- 
mantic about it. (Turning to Mrs. B.) Mrs. Barks- 
dale, can't we have our picnic here ? We won't find a 
better place than this ; it's so nice and shady 1 

Mrs. B. {removing her hat). Yes, dear, just as you 
please. This is our last day in England and I don't 
want you girls to go back to America thinking what a 
grouchy old chaperon I am. So I'm going to be real 
nice and obliging to-day and let you turn this little 
island upside down if you wish. I only warn you not to 
tumble in the water. You might get wet and catch 
cold. {Girls put down things and Mrs. ^.proceeds to 
make herself a comfortable seat with pillows. 

Clara {si?tking down upon stile) I'm so tired ! I 
shouldn't have attempted to walk this far. Really I'm 
nearly dead. Judith {giggling). Oh, dear 1 It's too 

3 



A THE FOUR INNOCENTS. 

funnvl Vou've been on the ^vay to the grave ever 
s^e we left America, Clara, and I'll be wilhng to bet 
that I'll get there long before you do. 

MABEL. Yes. It's queer, but y" "--■^,'=^" '!" 
about people. I used to know two brothers. They 
caUed one Dumplin and the other Stnng Now 
Dumplin was as big and healthy as a Berkshire p.g, 
but String was thin and sickly, and ancient looking 
Honestly that boy had so many wrmkles •" h.^ Jace 
Sat ttoked likL piece of crepe de chine. Anybody 
would have bet ten dollars against a toothpick hat he d 
be the first one to die, but h.s fr.ends were all disap- 
pointed for he outlived Dumplin. Everybody loved 
Dumplin and his funeral procession was so long that 
youc^ouldn'tseetheendof it through a double bar- 
relied telescope. It took the last carnage a whole day 
to catch up with the hearse. Freddie and I were on 
the sidewalk when the procession passed and I heard 
a man talking to our yard boy who was mowing the 
lawn. He sJd" Say, Jake, who's dead?" J^ke looked 
up from his work and said, " I don't ^r'^r !';T2 
tink it's der man in der front wagon." (G.R.^ /an^^) 
Clara. What became of the other brother ? Is he 

'"MABEf ' String? No, he died very suddenly. He 
was in New York not long ago playing the rubber 
plant on top of the Singer building and he tumbled oft. 
The fall jarred him a little and he went to his room 
He had been there about five minutes when he tell 
asleep, rolled off the couch and broke his neck. 

TuDlTH. Did it kill him ? 

Mabel. Oh, no. It didn't kill him the least bit- 
just broke his neck. I wonder where the other girls 

^"^ Nan They'll be here directly. Stopped back yon- 
der to 'look at some bugs. Let's have dinner, Mrs. 
BaTksdale. I'm as hungry as the little chap who gets 
put to bed without any supper. , , 

Mrs. B. So am I, Nan. Actually, I believe I could 
almost eat a box of tacks with a relish. 



THE FOUR INNOCENTS. 5 

Clara* It would certainly be a great tax on the 
digestive organs. 

Judith {taking some newspapers out of a basket). 
We'll have to use these papers for a table-cloth. I 
tried my best to make that old hotel man give me one 
but the hateful thing wouldn't do it. 

Nan. You might have known that without asking 
hirn. He's actually so stingy that he slides down the 
baluster to keep from wearing out the carpet on his 
steps. 

Judith {giggling). How queer ! 

Mabel. I'm glad he didn't give you a table-cloth. 
It's so nice and novel to eat on newspapers. 

{Enter Patty and Kate) 

Patty {excitedly). Oh ! Girls, just look what I 
found! {Girls gather aroiuid her and Mrs. B. looks 
up from a magazine which she is reading) It's a bug — 
almost exactly like the description of Poe's gold-bug. 
{Holding it up) See how it shines ! It's a very valu- 
able insect. 

Mabel. How do you know ? 

Patty {resentfully). How do I know? Shiverin' 
Sardines ! Didn't I spend a whole year at school 
studying bugology ? Hand me that string, Nan. I 
want to tie it so it won't get away. 

Mrs. B. {looking at her watch). It's after twelve, 
girls. You'd better fix lunch and then we can admire 
the bug when we get through. — (Girls commence tak- 
ing things out of baskets) 

Kate. I, for one, don't want to look at it. I have- 
n't any patience with people who waste a lot of time 
and energy chasing around after bugs. 

Patty. What an abused creature I am ! Isn't it 
awful, Mabel ? No, Katie, dear, it's a settled fact that 
you wouldn't go bughouse about an insignificant little 
bug. 

Nan. I should say not ! You waste all your extra 
time and energy disagreeing with people. 



6 THE FOUR INNOCENTS. 

Judith. What did you do with the other basket, 
Patty ? 

Pat. Oh, I forgot all about it ! It's back there 
where I found the gold bug. 

Nan. Come on, Judith. Let's go get it. Finish 
opening this can of lol sters. 

(Patty hands ca7i to her. Exit Judith and Nan.) 

Clara. Surely yo^ girls had more sense than to 
buy canned lobsters. Thousands of people have been 
poisoned with them. 

Kate. You wouldn't consider the after effects if 
you were hungry, Clara. But I don't believe you know 
what hunger is. 

Patty {eating a a-acker). I can tell you that. 
Hunger is interest paid on starvation before it falls due. 

Mrs. B. {throwing doum her magazifie). I've almost 
finished paying my interest, then. Aren't you girls 
nearly through fixing things ? {Going towards one of 
the baskets) I s'pose I'll have to help you. — " Many 
hands make' light work." 

Pat. And too many cooks spoil the cake. {Es- 
cortiiig Mrs. B, to her seat) Now you sit down, Mrs. 
Barksdale, and make yourself comfortable. We'll have 
lunch for this famishing crowd as soon as Nan and 
Judith come back with the other basket. 

Mabel. Gee-whiz ! Where did you get this cake, 
Patty ? It looks like it's had a hard life. I suppose 
it was beat too much. 

Pat. Bought it at an auction sale for fifteen cents. 

Mabel. At an auction sale ! Why, what a queer 
place to buy a cake 1 

Clara. It was certainly cheap enough. 

(Enter Judith and Nan.) 

Nan. What do you think, girls ? The basket's 
gone ! We can't find it anywhere. 

Judith. Isn't it the funniest thing you ever heard 
of.? 



THE FOUR INNOCENTS. 7 

Kate. Funny ! I don't see anything funny about 
it. 

Patty. Nan, you're joking ! 

Nan No, I'm not. I'll pledge you my word as an 
honest man The basket has just mysteriously disap- 
peared, that's all. 

Patty {woefully). Imagine a picnic without pickles. 
Now wouldn't that jar you ? 

Clara. It's a shame 1 

Patty. There were two big bottles full of them, 
and oh. Gee ! I'm just dippy about pickles. 

Mabel. So am I. Let's cry about it. 

Mrs. B. It's too bad about the basket, but I think 
we have enough to eat without it. You'll have to 
treat the crowd when we get back to town, Patty, as a 
punishment for leaving it behind. 

Pat. Treat the crowd ! Why, Mrs. Barksdale, I 
spent my last dollar for those pickles. Honest I did. 
And at present I'm so dead broke that if steamboats 
were five cents apiece, I couldn't buy an interest in the 
echo of the whistle, 

(Girls laugh.) 

Nan. If that's the case, then we'll have to forgive 
you, Patty. 

Pat. All right, I'm willing to bury the hatchet — 
handle and all. 

Kate {imp atie fitly). Do you girls intend to eat any- 
thing ? If you are going to stand around talking all 
day I 'spose I'll have to have lunch by myself. 

Pat. Noble Katrina ! If your highness will pardon 
and forgive my humble lowness for delaying this boun- 
tiful feast, let us now proceed to eat, drink and be 
merry, for to-morrow some of us may be too grumpy to 
live with. 

(Girls sit down on the ground and begin eating.) 

Mabel. Doesn't it seem lovely to be out here ? 
Hotel life isn't what it's cracked up to be. 

Nan. I should say it isn't. I don't enjoy eating a 



8 THE FOUR INNOCENTS. 

bit. Every time you look up from your plate you see 
a waiter staring at you with that •' I wonder how much 
I'm going to get " expression on his face. 

Kate. Pass the sandwiches, Judith. 

Clara. Yes, and the fare isn't good, either. I'm 
afraid it has helped to make me more of an invalid 
than ever. It's sad to think that I must go home to 
die. 

Judith (giggling). Isn't it simply the funniest thing 
you ever heard of ? 

Mabel. I'm anxious to get home, but I'm expect- 
ing to live a while after I get there. 

Pat. I'll shake hands with you. My cry is now, 
Oh, you San Antonio ! 

Mrs. B. I must admit that I'm rather tired of trav- 
eling myself. 

Pat. Yes, and won't it be nice to turn a corner 
without swinging on to a Baedeker to see what you're 
going to bump into next ! 

Judith. I'm going down to Bonn Avon to see Miss 
Estes as soon as I strike town. 

Mabel {clasping her hands). And oh, Joy ! Fred- 
die's going to meet me at the train. 

Kate {disgustedly). Yes, that's what's the matter 
with all of you. It's not San Antonio that you're so 
wild about. It's those little simple-minded dudes who 
wear out the sidewalks tramping the streets from morn- 
ing till night. Thank goodness ! I've never wasted 
any of my valuable time thinking about them and I 
don't intend to. 

Mabel {resentfully). I don't care what you say, 
Freddie's a dear ! And oh, girls 1 He's so crazy 
about me ! 

Judith. How do you know ? 

Mabel. Why, he told me so. 

Pat. Now wouldn't that jar yo*u ? 

Mabel. He said he loved me more than all the 
rest of the world put together. 

Nan. You silly child ! Don't you know they all 
tell you that ? 



THE FOUR INNOCENTS. 9 

Mabel. Oh, but he really meant it ! I could tell 
by his tone of voice. 

(Judith starts laughing and then chokes.) 

Kate {pounding her on the back). That's just like 
you, Judith. You always did want to bite more than 
you could chew. But I suppose it's human nature. 

Pat. I have not enjoyed a meal so much in ages. 

Mrs. B. {wiping her hands with paper 7iapkin). I 
haven't either. It was great. 

Elinor. Oh ! You're not through, Mrs. Barksdale. 
You must have some of Patty's auction cake. 

Mrs. B. All right. I 'spose it's my Christian 
duty. 

Clara {trying to cut cake). My, it's as hard as a 
rock 1 Girls,, I don't think it's advisable to run the 
risk of eating it. 

Kate. You're cutting it with the wrong side of the 
knife. 

Pat. Give it here, {takes the cake) I'll cut it. 
{Starts cutti7ig) I forgot to tell you it's a wedding 
cake. I'll cut for all of you. Who wants the first 
slice 1 

All. I do. 

Pat. I'll start with Mrs. Barkdale and go all around 
the table. 

{Hands the slices around as she cuts them.) 

Nan. How did you happen to get a wedding cake 
at an auction sale ? 

Pat. Well, you see the bride ran oil with the groom 
the day before the wedding. The cake was all made, 
and the bride's father happened to be an auctioneer so 
he decided to auction it off with the other things. 
There's a thimble in it and a dime and just oodles of 
other valuables. 

Mrs. B. {tasting her cake). Ugh! It's awful? 
The bride must have been a very sensible young lady. 

Mabel {tasting her;s). Well, I think so. I'd run 
from cake like this too. 



10 THE FOUR INNOCENTS. 

Clara {making a lury face). Hand me some water 
quick. Girls, I'm afraid this is is going to be the 
death of us ali. 

Judith {gigglhig and crmnbling up her cake). I won- 
der where the thimble is. 

Pat. {still cutting). Oh! I'll come to it after while. 
{Excitedly^ Here's something now ! 

Kate {lookifig over her shoulder). Goosie ! It's a 
big hunk of baking powder ! 

Mabel. Did you ever ! 

Nan. I'm afraid that auction man made up that 
wedding story, Patty. 

Pat. Oh, no, he didn't. He said he used to be a 
preacher. 

Mrs. B. {laughing). I 'spose they asked him to re- 
sign then. I think I'll go and pick some wild flowers. 

{Take her hat and starts off the stage.) 
Elinor. Wait a minute and I'll go with you. 
Patty {still cutti?ig cake). You can all go if you Avant 

to and Nan and I will stay here and put the things in 

the baskets. It will save you the trouble of coming 

back this way. 

Mrs. B. {over shoulder as she goes out). All right 

then. You and Nan meet us at the landing in about 

an hour. 

{Exit Mrs. B., Kate, Elinor, Clara, Judith and 
Mabel.) 

Nan. What's the use of cutting the rest of the cake 
up, Patty ? 

Patty {tasting it fo? the first time). Nothing in it ! 
Why, Nan, it's half full of quinine. Shiverin' Sardines ! 
Give me something to take the taste out. 

Nan {laiighing a?id handing her a piece of candy). I'm 
glad I did not eat any, if that's the case. I never 
was particularly fond of quinine. 

^ Pat. Just wait till I get through with that man ! 
I'm going down there to-morrow and tell him exactly 
what I think of him, and it won't be anything compli- 
mentary either. 



THE FOUR INNOCENTS. H 

Nan {looking t/ij'ough wifigs). Say, Patty, what's this 
coming ? 

Pat {Jumping up and looking too). Petrified Pan- 
cakes ! It's either a side show or an escaped lunatic 
asykim 1 

{E7iter Maria Casterville ridiculously dressed and 
carrying a huge fan ivhich she constantly waves to 
and fro. She is followed by the four Fresh Sis- 
ters and Brigida O'Briggins. The four girls 
wear short dresses and hair plaited dow?i their backs. 
They are all eatifi^ pickles. Brigida is clad in a 
bright green di'ess and her hair is scretved up in a 
tight knot. She carries a basket. She should be 
rather stout, with red hair.) 

Pat {aside to Nan). Those are our pickles. Now 
wouldn't that jar you ? 

(Maria looks ar-ound and stops when she sees the two girls, 
her fan suspended i7i midair for a few seconds. The 
Fresh Sisters drop their pickles and stare. There 
is a slight pause). 

Brigida {in an astounded voice). Howling Mither of 
Moses ! ! ! 

Maria {in a slow draw li?ig voice). This is atrocious I 
Perfectly atrocious 1 

(Nan and Patty laugh.) 

Pat {turning to Nan). In the name of the seven 
sacred crocodiles, what do you think of this ? 

Pandy (to Aphro). Aren't they queer-looking ? Who 
do you suppose they are ? 

Aphro. I don't know. 

Athena. I wonder were they came from ? 

Socrat. Perhaps they are wingless angels who have 
drifted down from the azure dome of heaven. 

Maria {indignantly to Brigida). I must see the 
guards and have them arrested. It is an outrage ! An 
atrocious outrage 1 Brigida, {pointifig to Nan a7id 



12 THE FOUR INNOCENTS. 

Patty). Show these two creatures off the island. 
(To the Fresh Sisters). Come, girls ! 

(She gathers up her skirts and sweeps off the stage followed 
by Pandora, Athena, Socratesia and Aphro- 
dite, who stare at Patty and Nan over their 
shoulders as they go out. ) 

Nan. Catch me, Patty, I'm going to faint ! 

Pat (to Brigiua). Fair maiden, will you kindly ex- 
plain this mystery to us ? 

Brig. I have never had such a surprise since the 
dith of me old man Patrick. Begorra and how did ye 
two young loidies get here ? 

Nan. We came across in a boat. 

Brig. Yiss, miss. Sure an' that's the only way ye 
can come. But the guards niver let people come over 
here. Did ye not see the guards ? 

Pat Guards! I don't know any anything about 
them ! You see there were a crowd of us girls and we 
wanted to have a picnic. It looked so pretty over here 
that we decided to come across. 

Nan. We found a boat and there were 'two men 
lying near it asleep. Maybe they were the guards. We 
didn't want to disturb them so we came across in the 
boat. Of course we'll pay them for the use of it when 
we go back. 

Brig. Then you are right, Miss. The two sleepy- 
heads were no other than the guards themselves. Maria 
Casterville will have them arristed for their laziness. 
Sure and they niver did such a thing before. This 
slice of land is one of them islands belonging to Solo- 
mon Frish. 

Nan. Who ? 

Brig. Solomon Frish. An' have you niver heard 
of him ? 

Pat {surprised). You don't mean Solohen Fresh 
the millionaire, do you ? 

Brig. Sure, Miss, an' he's the same. {Noddifig her 
head in direction of exit.) Thim were his four daugh- 
ters. 



THE FOUR INNOCENTS. 



13 



Nat. What ! The dughters of Solomon Fresh ? 

Brig. Yiss, Miss, and begorra I feel sorry for the 
poor little angels. 

Pat. Why do you feel sorry for them ? They have 
everything they want, don't they ? 

Brig. Yiss, Miss, but that's not it! The poor 
dears have niver seeri a ??ian ! 

Nan. {excitedly). Never seen a man 1 ! ! 

Pat. {also excited). Shiverin' Sardines! Go on! 
Tell us all about it. 

Brig, {sitting down on stile). Well, now, as ye are 
for axin me, I'll tell ye. It's the quarest sort of a 
proceeding ! You see Mrs. Frish died here on the 
island when the four girls was little tots. His river- 
ence Mr. Frish was so broke up over it that he went 
to Africa and he's been there iver since as far as I 
know. Sometimes I sort of wonder if he's still livin'. 
Do ye sippose he is ? 

Pat. {impatiently). I don't know. Go on 1 

Brig. Yiss, Miss. He left the four children in 
charge of that dragon — Maria Casterville, and begorra ! 
If he didn't write a last will and testament before he 
went, jist as if he expicted to die. The will explained 
as how the girls would not get a cint of his money if they 
looked at a boy. I've niver heard the loike of it. Miss. 

Nan. {disgustedly). The crazy ole crank ! 

Pat. He was a cruel hard-hearted old beast — that's 
what he was. 

Brig. Sure and he was a quare sort iv a father, 
but I have me doubts. Me old man Patrick always 
said I had curiosity enough for two people and I giss 
I have, for I'd just loike to know exactly what that 
will has in it. Sure 'n if I could read, I would find 
out. That's what comes of not having an iducation. 
It's something Maria Casterville is kaping from the 
dear children. 

Nan. Do you know where the will is ? 

Brig. Yiss, Miss. Howling Mither of Moses ! {Joy- 
fully claspi)ig her hands). I hadn't thought of it. Maybe 
you two can read it for me. 



14 THE FOUR INNOCENTS. 

Pat {eagerly). Yes, we'll be delighted ! 
Nan. Do you really know where it is ? 
Brig. Yiss, Miss. You're standin' right over the 
spot where it's buried. 

Girls {looking down at grou7td.) 

Pat. Buried ! 1 ! Come on, let's dig it up. 

Brig {moving a small stone near where they are stand- 
ing). I put the stone there so I'd know where to find it. 

Nan. How queer! What did he want to bury it 
for? 

Pat. Hurry, Nan, and get the cake-knife. We can 
dig with that. 

(Nan looks for the cake-knife^ 

Brig, {getting dotvn 07i her knees and digging with her 
hands). You see, Miss, Maria Casterville, buried the 
will to keep me or any of the other servants from find- 
in' it. Sure 1 And she didn't know I was watchin' her 
from behind a tree. Give me the knife, Miss. 

{Continues digging with hiife. Nan and Patty sit down 
on ground and watch the hole eagerly ) 

Pat. But I don't understand what this Casterville 
woman didn't tear the will up or burn it if she didn't 
want you to see it. 

Brig. Sure and she was afraid to. Ye see his river- 
ence Mr. Frish moight turn up alive at any minute and 
ask her for it. 

Nan {to Patty). Sounds like a fairy tale, doesn't it ? 

Pat. Yes. Won't we , crow over the other girls 
when we get to the hotel, though ? {Lookifig into the 
hole) Oh ! You've struck something hard ! 

Brig ( reaching dow?i in hole and pulling out a box). 
Yiss, begorra, an' it's heavy. {Puts it dowft o?i ground.) 

Nan {opens box and pulls out manuscript). Here's the 
will! 

Pat. But there's something else in the box. 



THE FOUR INNOCENTS. 15 

{T(xkes out another piece of paper ajid accidentaUy turns 
the box over. A lot of gold and silver coins roll out 
on the ground. There is a few seconds' silence). 

Brig. Holy shades of old Saint Patrick ! 

Pat. Petrified pancakes ! ! ! {Turning to Nan.) In 
the name of the seven sacred crocodiles : Say some- 
thing ! ! ! 

Nan (weakly). Well, I'll be flabbergasted ! 

CURTAIN. 



ACT II. 

Time : Evening of same day, several hours later. 

Place : Girls* room in hotel at Liverpool. 

Scene: Bedroofn, furnished comfortably. Whe7i curtain 
rises Kate is sewing, Mabel ivritifig, Judith seated 
on the bed and Mrs. Barksdale and Clara 
standing at window looking out. 

Clara. I'm awfully worried about the girls 1 

Kate {lookijig up from her sewifig) Pooh! I don't 
see anything to be worried about ! Patty and Nan 
are both old enough to take care of themselves. 

Mrs. B. But there's no telling what might have 
happened to them. I think I'll go and look for them. 
Will one of you girls come with me ? 

Clara. Yes, I will. 

Mrs. B. [with her hand on door knob). Where's my 
hat, Mabel ? 

Mabel. If it isn't on my dresser it's behind the 
trunk. {Exit Mrs. B. and Clara). 

Judith. I think we should have waited at the 
landing for Nan and Patty. 

Mabel {thoughtfully biting the end of her pencil). 
But we naturally supposed they had left and who 
wouldn't have thought so ? When we got across there 
was another boat at the landing beside ours, and when 



1^ THE FOUR INNOCENTS. 

we started back 'twas gone. But that's what's worry- 
ing me. I'm afraid the boat turned over with them — 
you know neither one of them can swim. 

Kate. How perfectly ridiculous 1 Mrs. Barksdale 
and Clara will find them without any trouble. 

Judith {giggling). I can't help thinking about 
those men. 

Mabel. What men ? 

Judith. Those two men that the boat belonged to. 

Mabel. Weren't they downright mad, though ? I 
wish I could have understood some of their gibbering. 

Kate. It's a good thing you didn't. I suppose 
they were blessing us out in gentle language. What 
are you writing, Mabel .'' 

Mabel. A letter to Freddie. 

Judith {giggling). Haven't you finished that letter 
yet ? 

Mabel. Oh, yes. This is another one, but I can't 
think of anything to say. 

Kate. Tell him that for your sake I hope he has 
undergone a transformation since I saw him last. 

Mabel. Maybe j^// do hope so, but I want him to 
stay just as he is, thank you. 

Kate. Oh 1 I know that 1 You aspire to nothing. 
I can remember you used to have a wavering flicker 
of ambition but your beloved Freddie came along and 
blew it out and what might have been a bright flame 
is only a heap of charred ashes, with one image in 
view — Freddie. 

Mabel. Well, Miss Smarty, just suppose you were 
a measly little old flame of light and a nice-looking 
fellow came along and blew real hard — wouldn't go 
out? If I'm a heap of ashes it's because I can't help 
myself, but there's one thing certain — ashes are per- 
fectly harmless and fire burns sometime:. {Ejtter 
Patty and Nan). Where on earth have you been ? 

Pat. {removing hat). Oh, we've been out on a 
lark. 

Kate. You ought to be ashamed of yourselves. 
Mrs. Barksdale is awfully uneasy about you. 



THE FOUR INNOCENTS. 17 

Judith. Yes, she and Clara have gone to look for 
you. 

Nan. Have they .'* I'm certainly sorry about it 
but it can't be helped. 

Mabel. Please tell us where you've been ? 

Pat. S'pose we tell them, Nan. 

Nan. All right. They'll have to know sooner or 
later so we might just as well tell them now. 

Kate. I don't see why there should be any secret 
about it. 

Mabel. Please hurry and tell us. I'm just dying 
to know. 

Pat. Well, if you'll promise not to interrupt me. 

All {except Nan). We won't ! 

Pat. Here goes, then. Girls, we have had the 
most marvellous kind of an adventure and if you don't 
consider us heroes when you hear about it, just thump 
your heads and see how vacant they sound on the in- 
side. You all had just left and I was still sawing 

away peacefully on that bloomin' old cake when 

er {a slight pause). 

{A slight pause.) 

Kate {impatiently). Well, go on. 

Pat. Do you think we really ought to tell them^ 
Nan? 

Nan. Yes, I 'spose we must. 

Pat. Well, as I was just saying when you interrupted 
me, Kate, I had almost finished whacking that cake to 
pieces when our attention was attracted by the sound 
of footsteps. We looked up and saw a regular side 
show coming down the road. There was a ridiculous 
looking woman with a big fan followed by four girls 
and an Irish maid. The girls were rigged out in 
short dresses and looked slightly overgrown — But, ladies 
end gentlemen, there is one point here which I wish to 
stress particularly — these four girls were actually eat- 
ing our pickles. 

Together {except Nan and Patty). Our pickles 1 



18 THE FOUR INNOCENTS. 

Pat. Yes. Now isn't that enough to straighten 
your kinky hair ? 

Mabel. What on earth were they doing with our 
pickles ? 

Judith. Of all the nerve ! 

Pat. {rapping 071 table). Order! Order ! Ladies and 
gentlemen, I must speak now or forever hold my peace. 
Which shall it be ? 

Mabel. We won't interrupt you any more if you'll 
only tell us how they happened to have the pickles. 

Nan. As I am a second cousin of Dr. Watson's I 
can explain that easily, They just found the basket and 
helped themselves like any other sane sensible minded 
girls would have done. Go on, Patty — we're wasting 
time. 

Pat. Well, when the four girls saw us, they dropped 
their pickles and stared. The woman with the fan 
looked as though she could have killed us with a good 
grace. After a few gentle explosions she picked up 
her sKirts and swept down the road followed by the 
four girls. The Irish maid was the only one who cond- 
escended to remain, and it was through her that we 
found out everything*. You see it's this way — the four 
girls are the daughters of Solomon Fresh — 
All {together, except Nan and Patty). Solomon Fresh ! 

Pat. Nan, if anybody interrupts me again please 
suffocate them with a pillow. You know Mr. Fresh 
has oodles and oodles of money, but he believes that 
every girl should show that she is capable of support- 
ing herself before she marries. He says that he was the 
hrst man his wife ever saw and the fatality runs in the 
family. He feels that the girls will inherit this weak- 
ness for the opposite sex so he wants them to make at 
least one hundred dolh.rs apiece by their own efforts 
before they even look at a man. If they follow his 
instructions, his money will be equally divided among 
them, but if they fail to come up to expectations every 
cent will go towards aiding the perfection of the air- 
ship. That island where we had our picnic is the prop- 
erty of Solomon Fresh, and the home of the Fresh 



THE FOUR INNOCENTS. 19 

Sisters. It is guarded on all sides to prevent people 

from going there. 

Mabel. Then those were the guards that we 

Pat. When the four girls were little chaps, Mr. Fresh 

left them in charge of Maria Casterville and all these 

years it has been her duty to keep them from knowing 

the existence of man. 

Mabel {i?t a horror-stricken voice). You don't mean 

to say they don't know what a man is — why if I hadn't 

seen Freddie 

(Nan puts a pillow over her heaJ.) 

Patty. The Fresh Sisters don't know that they are 
free to marry the man of their choice if they follow the 
requirements of the will. Maria Casterville has never 
told them. Her reason for keeping it a secret from 
them has been simply this — she is paid well for what 
she does and she wants to keep the job. Brigida O'Brig- 
gins, the Irish maid, dug up the will for us — It was 
buried, you know — and that's how we found out its 
contents. With the will there was buried stacks and 
stacks of money to be used for the girl's expenses. You 
see Maria Casterville has been keeping it for herself. 
Now, girls, here comes the most startling part — Nan 
and I thought it was our duty to rescue the poor fresh- 
ies from the clutches of Maria Casterville, so we brought 
them along with us. 

Kate. Are you out of your head, Patty ? 

Pat. Oh, no — not at all. 

Judith. Well, what on earth do you mean ? 

Pat. I mean that we did the brave and noble act 
and rescued the poor girls,and they're here in the hotel 
now. Why, Judith, you're as pale as a bucket of white- 
wash. 

Nan {spri?ikli?ig water in her face). There now — 
don't get excited ? 

Kate. Is this a made up story, or have you two 
girls lost all the sense you ever possessed .'' 

Pat. Neither one of the two, and if you want to get 
grumpy about it — just hand yourself a transfer. 



^0 THE FOUR INNOCENTS. 

Kate. But how perfectly outrageous and unreason- 
able. What in Christendom are you going to do with 
the four creatures ? 

Pat. Just take it from me, Katrina, we'll attend to 
that all right. 

Nan. Yes, you needn't bother about it, Kate. 

Kate. I must admit, it's certainly the freakiest 
thing I ever heard of. 

Mabel {clasping hands). Oh, I think it's lovely. 
It's so unusual and novel. 

Kate {sarcastically). Yes, it's a little too novel to 
suit me. 

Mabel. Honestly, Kate, if I were as impolite as 
you are I'd go way off somewhere and fade away, 
because an impolite person isn't welcome anywhere. 

Judith {giggHf^g)- I'm just crazy to see the girls. 

Kate. If I may venture to ask you one question, 
will you answer it civilly ? 

Pat. Certainly. If ycu ask it civilly. 

Kate. Well, now that you've gotten yourselves into 
this mess, how do you propose to get out of it ? 

Pat. Oh, we've arranged all that. There's a town 
named Clute about fifty miles from San Antonio. 
Ever heard of it ? (Kate shakes her head) Well, 
the town is surrounded by a high wall and no man has 
ever been allowed to come on the inside of it. It is 
inhabited by man-haters — some old maids, but most 
of them divorced women, who after giving marriage a 
trial, have found that they don't espouse the noble 
cause of matrimony. Now, this is our plan. We want 
to take the four girls over there and give them a 
chance to make their $400, before they even look at 
a man. 

Kate. It's honestly ridiculous 1 Surely you don't 
realize what you are undertaking. 

Pat. We most assuredly do and that's why we've 
told you about it. We want you to help us. 

Kate. What do you take me for ? I certainly have 
a little sense left, and you're mistaken, Patty, if you 
think I am going to help you make fools of yourselves. 



THE FOUR INNOCENTS. 21 

Mabel. I'll be glad to help you all 1 can. That's 
what I call real charity. 

Judith {giggH'ig)- It's about the funniest thing I 
ever heard of, but I'm with you. 

Nan. {to Kate). Now all that remains is to con- 
vince you that you are in the wrong. Of course we 
can get along without you, but then we'd like for you 
to share our honors, too. 

Mabel. How do you intend to keep the four girls 
in ignorance of the existence of boys on the voyage 
over to America ? 

Pat. Oh, w^e've figured that all out. You see, 
fortunately we sail for home to-morrow. Well, in the 
morning before leaving. Nan and I are going to buy 
four pairs of goggles — the kind that chauffeurs wear. 
Then we are going to have the glasses taken out of 
them and black glazed glass put in, so that it will be 
impossible to see through them. We'll get a cab with 
curtains to take the four freshies down to the steamer 
then we are going to convince them that their eyes 
are weak and it is necessary for them to wear goggles 
whenever they go out of doors. You see, Mabel, Nan, 
Judith and I can lead them along. Of course when 
they get in their staterooms they can take the goggles 
off, but wdienever they go out on deck they'll have to 
wear them. 

Kate. Of all the foolishness I ever heard of, this 
is the limit. Where do you expect to get the money 
which will be necessary to carry out your plans ? 

Nan. I thought we told you that Mr. Fresh left 
lots of money to pay the four girls' expenses while on 
the island. And you know none of this money has 
been touched. 

Mabel. Where is the money ? 

Pat. We left it with the will down at the big bank 
on the corner. 

Mabel. Does that Casterville woman know that 
the girls are gone ? 

Nan. No, but she's probably found out about it by 
this time, and I'll bet she's raising sand too. 



02 THK FOtTR INNOCENTS. 

Kate. Why don't you give the girls all the freedom 
they want, going over on the boat ? They'll see 
enough of boys in that time to know that they don't 
want to marry. 

Pat. Don't you fool yourself, Katrina. Why, 
Gee ? If we did that, they'd all be married to sailors 
or waiters or head cooks before we got to America. 
Then they'd be terribly poor all the rest of their lives. 
But with our help they'll stay single till they have ful- 
filled the requirements of the will and then the big 
day's coming 1 You see we'll take them to San 
Antonio and the rest of their lives will be one great 
big gigantic jag of joy — they'll have all the money they 
want and they can marry whoever they please. Now, 
what do you think of that ? 

Kate. Oh, well, I suppose you think you're doing 
right but then — er 

Mabel. I sa}^, Kate, why don't you help them out ? 

Kate {after considering). Well, I don't know that 
it would be any harm. 

Pat. But listen. Don't say you're going to help 
us if you don't mean it — because whatever you do, 
don't be a trailer — be yourself ! 

Mabel. You'll help them, won't you, Kate ? 

Kate. Yes, I guess so. 

Nan. I thought you'd see your mistake. 

Pat. I gave the girls some dresses and told them 
to take off those ridiculous costumes Maria Casterville 
made them wear. I will see if they are through dress- 
ing and if they are I'll bring them in and introduce 
them to you. 

Judith. Oh, goody 1 I'm just crazy to see them. 

{Exit Patty.) 

Mabel. What are their names ? 

Nan. Athena, Pandora, Socratesia and Aphrodite. 
Rather queer, aren't they? 

Judith {giggling). I never heard such funny names 
in all my life. 

Kate. They are unusual. 



THE FOUR INNOCENTS. 23 

Mabel. What do you 'spose Mrs. Barksdale will say- 
when she hears about it ? 

Kate. She'll be simply thunderstruck and I'm 
afraid she won't like it, at all. It sounds so perfectly 
impossible. 

Mabel. I don't believe she'll care a bit after she 
thinks about it a little while. You know she likes un- 
usual things about as well as Nan and Patty do. 

Nan. Please ring for some ice-water, Judith. I just 
happened to remember that I'am awfully thirsty. 

(Judith presess button. Enter Patty, folIoTved by Pan- 
dora, Athena, Socratesia and Aphrodite.) 

Pat. Now, girls, this is Athena, this is Socratesia, 
this is Aphrodite, and here's Pandora, but we're going 
to call her Pandy for short. 

Mabel. Sit down, girls — we're so glad to have you 
with us. 

Aphro. I do believe I'm dreaming. P!^verything is 
so strange. 

Pandv. It seems so good not to have Maria Caster- 
ville around. 

Socrat. {putting one m-m arou7id Patty a7id the other 
around Nan). And you two brave and noble girls res- 
cued us. You will surely be rewarded for it. 

Pat {ivinking at Kate). See ? 

Socrat. We were like four withered flowers pining 
for want of fresh air and you two have brought us the 
sunshine necessary to make us lift our drooping heads 
and take a deep breath of the fragrance of life. 

Mabel {to Judith). Oh, how lovely 1 I'll bet she writes 
poetry. 

Athena {picks up pencil and paper from table and 
turns to Mabel). Oh ! please stay just as you are. 
You'll make a lovely picture ! {Starts drawing and 
Mabel is immovable.) 

Aphro. You see Athena is an artist. She can 
draw pictures that look just like you. 

Judith. How nice ! 

Socrat. 'Tis indeed a great talent to be able to 



24 THE FOUR INNOCENTS. 

transform a lifeless piece of paper into the image of 
a living, breathing human being. 

{Somebody knocks on do oj- from outside.) 

Pat. {excitedly!). Petrified pancakes ! It's the porter ! 
{Runs to door aJid puts her 77iouth to the keyhole^ Say, 
please go away — we don't want you. 

Nan. He has some ice-water, Patty. 

Pat. Oh, has he ? 

( Opens door just the least bit, takes pitcher — shuts door 
and locks it. ) 

Pandy. What is a porter ? 

Kate. A porter is a boy who waits on people. 

Pandy. Well, what is a boy ? 

Nan {threateni7igly aside to Kate). Keep quiet, 
Kate. 

Kate. A boy is a — a — an article who thinks it is 
everything and fails to be anything. 

Pandy. What does it look like ? 

Nan. Oh, it's just an ordinary looking animal. 

{]\5mi:YL giggles.) 

Pat. {passi?ig around 7aater). Have you finished your 
picture, yet, Athena ? 

Athena. Yes, almost. 

Mabel. Let's see it. Oh, how lovely 1 I'm going 
to send it to Freddie. 

Pandy. Who's Freddie ? 

Mabel. Oh, he's a boy — er — I mean she's a girl 
friend of mine. 

SocRAT. Ah ! It is the essence of pleasure to have 
friends — is it not ? They help to smooth out the wrin- 
kles of worry and fill the paths of joy with sunshine. 

Mabel {looking out of window). Oh, here comes 
Mrs. Barksdale and Clara. 

Nan. Gracious ! What are we going to do ? 

Kate, I'll fix that ! Patty, you and Nan stay here 
and talk this matter over together. Come with me all 
of you girls. {Tur7ii?ig to Patty a7id talking in whisper.) 



THE FOUR INNOCENTS. 25 

I'll take these girls to their rooms and leave Mabel and 
Judith to watch them. Then I'll go downstairs, meet 
Mrs. Barksdale and explain matters to her. 
Pat. Good for you, Kate. 

{^Exit Kate, the fojir Fresh Sisters, Judith afid 
Mabel.) 

Pat. Kate's a trump when she wants to be, isn't she ? 

Nan. She certainly is. I hope she'll make things 
all right with Mrs. Barksdale. 

Pat. I do too. If we can just get heron our side, 
it will be clear sailing after that. 

Nan. Patty, now honestly, just between me and you, 
don't you think we've made a mistake in trying to un- 
dertake this wild goose chase, as Kate calls it ? Do you 
think we are going to accomplish what we want to ? 

Pat. Of course we are, Nan. Surely you're not 
going to become a backslider this late in the game ? 

Nan. No, I didn't say I was, but nevertheless it's 
going to be a lot of trouble and work. 

Pat. I know it's going to be a lot of trouble and 
you have to work to accomplish anything. Taft didn't 
become President of the United States just thinking 
about it. 

(Somebody knocks on door. Patty opens it.) 

Voice (outside). A card for you. Miss. 
(Patty takes card and reads). 

Pat. Shiverin' Sardines ! Nan, it's Maria Caster- 
ville. 

Nan. {with a low whistle of astonishment). We've 
gotten ourselves into it now 1 

Pat. (to the Porter outside). Show the lady in 
here. (Shuts door). She'll probably blaze us out in 
a voice full of brick-bats, so we'd better not go down 
in the parlor. It's too public a place for a scene. 

Nan. I'm frightened nearly to death, Patty. Just 
feel my hand. It's as cold as ice. 

Pat. I'm scared myself — but there's not a bit of 



26 T^HE FOUR INNOCENTS. 

danger. She can't do anything to us and besides we 
have the four girls on our side. 

Nan. The hateful old thing 1 I don't blame the 
girls for wanting to get away from her. 

Pat. You just wait — we'll settle her hash. 

{Enter Maria C aster ville with her fan, as usual). 

Maria. This is atrocious ! Contemptibly atro- 
cious I 

Patty. Is that all you have to say I I'm glad you 
take it so calmly. 

Maria, (stamping her foot). I demand the return 
of the four Fresh sisters immediately ! 

Patty. I'm sorry, but we can't part with them. 

Maria {aiigrily). You contemptible young viper 
you 1 Unless you tell me where they are, I'll report 
you to the police and have you arrested ! 

Pat. You'll change your tune when I tell you that 
I have possession of the will of Solomon Fresh ! I / 

Maria {dropping her fan and grasp ifig a chair for 
support). The will ! Surely you haven't the will I 

Pat. I certainly have. I can tell you everything 
that's in it. You have been a false, contemptible 
woman.. You have kept money for yourself that should 
have been used for the expenses of the girls and you've 
kept the requirements of the will a secret from them in 
order to keep your position. Now contradict that if 
you can. 

Maria {starts toward door and stops). It's a lie and 
I'll have my revenge I 

Pat. {pointifig to door). There's the door. I'd ad- 
vise you to go through it. 

{Exit Maria Casterville.) 

Curtain. 



THE FOUR INNOCENTS. 27 

ACT III. 
Time : Morning. 
Place : Clute. 

Scene : Roo7n fixed up as a store^ with dififerent articles 
for sale^ soda water, ice cream, etc., etc., with counter. 
Athena is seated on counter, drawing. Aphrodite 
making a soda drink, Socratesia watching her, a?id 
Pandy wiping glasses. They ail wear aprons. 



Eftter Nan. 

Nan. Well, girls, how's business ? 

Aphro. I'm afraid it isn't going to be good to-day. 

Pandy. You see most everybody's out of town on 
a picnic. 

Aphro. Want something to drink ? 

Nan {^sitting down). Yes. I have such a cold that 
I can't taste anything, so give me whatever you have 
the most of. What are you drawing, Athena ? 

Athena {holds out picture). I'm copying a picture. 

Nan. That's fine. Say, how do you girls like your 
new occupation ? 

Socrat. We're charmed with it ! Oh, it's delight- 
ful to be able to quench the thirst of a weary woman. 
It is a charitable calling and a noble trade. 

(Nan begins drinking soda water.) 
{Enter Mrs. R. a7id Clara.) 

Mrs. B. {looks around). Good morning, girls. What 
a nice place you have ! 

Clara {sinking dow7i on stool). Really, I feel as 
though I'm going to faint. 

Mrs. B. Give her something to drink, Pandy. It 
will do her good. 

Pandy. Don't you want something too, Mrs. Barks- 
dale? 

Mrs. B. No, dear, not now. I'll take something 
after while. 



28 THE FOUR INNOCENTS. 

{Enter Patty.) 

Pat. Hello, girls I Why, how did you get here, 
Mrs. Barksdale? 

Mrs. B. Clara and I came down in Mr. Ford's 
electric 

Pat. It's the first time you've been here, isn't it ? 

Mrs. B. Yes. I intended coming sooner but 
haven't had time. 

Aphro. We're so glad you came. 

Nan. You'll have to take in the town. Clute's a 
rather interesting place, you know. 

Pat. Do you remember Dr. Oliver's daughter, Mrs. 
Barksdale ? 

Mrs. B. Why, of course I do. 

Pat. Well, she's in San Antonio now. 

Clara. Is she the one that's so rich ? 

Pat. Oh, no, just wealthy enough to steer clear of 
her poor relatives. She's kinder stingy, you know, 
and she used to be so afraid that somebody would ask 
her to loan them money that she went out to Colorado 
where she didn't know anybody and lived by herself. 

Socrat. Perhaps she preferred the solitude of the 
simple life. 

Pat. No, she was just downright stingy. 

Nan. Maybe she was, but couldn't she give you 
good things to eat, though ? 

Pat. Please don't talk about anything good to eat, 
Nan. I haven't had a decent square meal since Mrs. 
Herff's luncheon at the Country Club. Shiverin' Sar- 
dines ! But wasn't that fruit salad the best you ever 
tasted ? 

Nan. It certainly was. 

Mrs. B. How do you feel, Clara ? 

Clara. Really, I think I'm in a very critical con- 
dition. 

Mrs. B. I'm going to tell your mother to keep you 
on a diet of raw eggs. I've heard of cases where they 
proved wonderfully beneficial. 

Clara. I'm afraid they wouldn't help me any. 



THE FOUR INNOCENTS. 29 

I've tried so many things and I don't seem to get any 
better. I just can't help worrying about myself. 

Nan. You ought to practice Christian Science and 
learn that you mustn't court trouble — court a boy. 
It's the same thing. 

( The 'phone rings.) 

Pat. I'll answer it. 

{Takes down receiver ^ others continue talking.^ 

Mrs. B. What are you thinking about, Aphrodite ? 

Aphro. I was just wishing I could see Brigida 
O'Briggins again. 

Nan. But you don't want to go back to the island, 
do you ? 

Aphro. Of course I don't want to go back, but then 
I do get a little lonesome for the place sometimes. 

Socrat. So do I. 'Tis the idealism of life to live 
in the presence of nature — to go out into the cool 
shady pathw^ays of the forest, to pluck the timid blush- 
ing wild flower, to hear the brittle leaves gently crush- 
ing beneath your footsteps, to see the startled squirrel 
spring up the vine-clad tree, to watch the sunbeams 
dancing in their joyful sprightliness, and at last to find 
a mossy seat beneath some sheltering oak, to drink in 
the fresh, cool, fragrance of the dewy atmosphere, and 
to marvel at the wonderful mechanism of nature. 

Nan. Gee ! That sounds Hke Shakespeare, doesn't 
it? 

Pat {%vho has hung up the receiver and looks slightly 
agitated). Mrs. Barksdale, wouldn't you like to see 
something of the town before you leave ? 

Mrs. B. Yes, Patty, I certainly would. 

Pat. Well, Pandy, you four girls take Mrs. Barks- 
dale out and show her the sights. The rest of us will 
stay here while you're gone. 

Pandy. Oh, how nice of you ! I was just dying to 
get outside. It's so nice and sunshiny. {They all 
take off aprons except Athena and she contifiues drawiTig.) 

Socrat.. Yes, it's a glorious day. All of nature's 
children are dressed in their gayest costumes. 



30 



THE FOUR INNOCENTS. 



Pandy {starting towards door). Come on, Mrs. 
Barksdale. Hurry up, Athena. 

Athena. I don't want to go. I'd rather stay and 
finish my picture. 

Patty. Oh, but you must. The exercise will do 
you good. 

Aphro. You can finish drawing that when you come 

back. 

Athena {reluctantly taking off her apron). All right. 
I suppose I do need a little fresh air. 

Clara. I think I'll go too. I believe the walk will 
do me good. 

Mrs. B. We won't stay long, girls. 

[Exit the four Fresh Sisters, Clara attd Mrs. B. 

Patty. What do you think, Nan ? Maria Caster- 
ville is in town. 

Nan. Maria Casterville. 

Patty. Yes, Maria Casterville. 

Nan. How do you know ? 

Patty. Kate juet 'phoned me that she was, and 
that's not all, either. You remember. Nan, she told 
me she was going to have her revenge. Well, what 
do you 'spose she's up to ? She secretly came here to 
Clute several days ago and she's gotten in with Mrs. 
Orliff, the Mayor of the town, and persuaded her that 
the place would improve lots faster if she would just 
allow a few men to come in and build up things. Of 
course the men are willing to come just for the fun of 
the thing. So sometime to-night the gates are going 
to be opened and a crowd of boys are coming out from 
San Antonio in their machines. You see Maria Cas- 
terville is deliberately trying to ruin our plans. Now 
isn't that enough to give a chicken the toothache ? 

Nan. It's perfectly outrageous ! The contemptible 
old mess! I just hate her, anyway. Let's don't give 
up, though. We've gone this far and we just must 
succeed. It's our duty to see that those girls finish 
making their $400 before night comes. 

Pat. Yes, and we'll do it if it kills us. 



THE FOUR INNOCENTS. 31 

Nan. They've made quite a lot of money already, 
haven't they ? 

Pat. Yes, I think so, but then we want to be on 
the safe side. Kate, Mabel and Judith will be down 
here in a few minutes, and we're just going to buy out 
the whole soda fountain. But won't Maria Casterville 
be disappointed, though ! 

Nan. And won't we have a grand celebration to- 
night I Do you know I'm glad that Casterville woman 
is going to stir up things, for it will make us get to work 
in dead earnest. 

Pat. Yes, that's the truth, because if you know you 
just naturally have to do a thing within a certain length 
of time, you usually end up by doing it. 

Nan. Did you say Mabel was coming too ? 

Patty. Yes. 

Nan. By the way, did you know that she and 
Freddie are going to be married next month ? 

Pat. I'm glad to hear it. If she waits much longer 
all her friends will be in the poorhouse. 

Nan. Why ? 

Pat. Because she's had only twenty linen showers. 
Just draw your jown conclusions. 

{Enter Kate, Judith and Mabel. Girls greet each 
other effusively). 

Mabel. Well, what do you girls think of Maria 
Casterville's little game ? It looks as though she means 
war, doesn't it ? 

Pat. Yes, but the poor old girl's going to get the 
worst of it. We'll do some tall old fighting before we 
give up. 

Mabel. I don't think there's any danger of us hav- 
ing to give up, though. Of course they'll make the 
$400 all right. Just think ! I told Freddie about it and 
he said to give them an order for twenty freezers of 
cream to be sent to him at San Antonio. He said to 
put lots of cherries and nuts in it. You know he wants 
it to be real expensive. I have the money here — in my 
purse — to pay for it in advance. Isn't he a dear ? 



32 THE FOUR INNOCENTS. 

Kate. That is right nice of him. 

Pat. It certainly will help out a lot, but we'll 
have to get busy anyway. You can't run anything long 
with a force of hot air. It takes a little concentration. 
My friend Mike Kinney says whenever nature really 
wants to do anything she concentrates. For instance 
take a cyclone. That is nothing but concentrated wind. 
A gentle spring zephyr just floating around never at- 
tracts much attention, but let a few of these zephyrs 
get together and decide to do business — then look 
out. 

{Enter Clara and the four Ykesh Sisters who speak to 
Girls a?td then start putting on their aprons). 

Nan. You certainly did get back in a hurry. Where 
is Mrs. Barksdale ? 

Aphro. Clara was so tired that we had to bring her 
back and Mrs. Barksdale thought she had better go 
home as it is rather late. 

Judith. We are awfully thirsty, so please give us 
sotnething to drink. 

(Aphrodite, Pandora a7id Socratesia begin mixing 
drinks. Athena resumes her drawing). 

Pat. Did you show Mrs. Barksdale the water- 
melon patch down on the corner, Pandy ? 

Pandy. Yes. 

Nan. You just ought to see it, Kate. It's wonder- 
ful how things grow down in this country. 

Pat. It certainly is. Those watermelon vines 
grow in such a hurry that all the rind gets rubbed off 
of the little melons trailing along behind. 

(Girls laugh) 

Mabel. I didn't know you had a dimple, Judith. 
Freddie says it's awfully hard for a fellow to tell when 
a girl laughs whether she really means it or is just try- 
ing to show off a dimple. (Judith giggles). You don't 
keep Martinis, do you, Socratesia ? 

Socrat. No. We are strictly temperate. 



THE FOUR INNOCENTS. 

Mabel. Give me a lemonade, then. 

Kate. There was a fellow in one of McCutcheon's 
books who used to get his at a restaurant where the 
waiters were all Dutch and he complained that when- 
ever he ordered dry Martini they always brought him 
three. 

Nan. Poor fellow ! I suppose he did his complain- 
ing after the bill came in. 

Pat {sitting down luith a saucer of cream in one hand 
and a glass of soda ivater in the other). Gee 1 but this 
cream is good. 

Judith {handing her glass to Pandy). I'll take some 
more, Pandy. I never was quite as thirsty in my life. 

Pandy {to Judith). Do you know I didn't think 
you were a bit pretty when I first saw you, but I think 
you're real nice-looking now. 

Judith {giggling). How funny ! I'm glad you think 
so. 

Patty. That's perfectly explainable. Circumstan- 
ces alter faces, you know. 

{I)uri7ig conversation the girls are constantly having their 
glasses afid saucers t'cfilled.) 

Mabel. Yes, that is the truth, because when I first 
met Freddie I thought he was hideous, and now; 

Kate {ijiterrupting). Oh, never mind about telling 
us what you think now. We know you think he is a 
second Apollo, and that he ought to have his head done 
in bronze and stuck up on every street corner in San 
Antonio. Really, Mabel, I cannot understand how you 
happened to fall in love with Freddie. He is such an 
ignoramus. 

Mabel. Freddie's not an ignoramus. Why, he's 
even brighter than / am. 

Kate. Well, I hope so. You don't even know the 
seven wonders of the world. 

Mabel. What will you bet that I don't ? 

Kate. I won't bet anything. I'll just see. Now 
tell us the seven wonders of the world and describe 
each one. 






34 THE FOUR INNOCENTS. 

Mabel. Describe them ! Why, I didn't say I could 
describe them, did I ? 

Clara. Unless you know a thing thoroughly yoa 
might as well not know it at all. 

Mabel. Well, here goes then. The first wonder is 
— er — wait a minute, let me see. Oh, yes ! The first 
wonder is the Hanging Gardens of Doubtfulness. The 
gardens are suspended on wire ropes and are full of 
beautiful looking flowers, but if you examine the flow- 
ers closely you find that it is difficult to tell whether 
they are cultivated flowers or just common old weeds, 
I think the gardens were built by Nebercennezer or 
some of those fellows in the Bible. 

Clara. What holds them up ? 

Mabel. I told you they were suspended on wire 
ropes. 

Clara. Yes, but what holds the ropes up ? 

Mabel {impatiently). Oh, slush! Anybody ought 
to know that. Why they are hitched on to telephone 
posts of course. Now the second wonder of the world 
is the Labyrinth of Perplexity. It's a cave all full of 
twists and turns and lots of people have been lost in 
it. Next corpes the Colossus of Hope. It's a statue 
holding a light and peering into the darkness. Then 
comes the Temple of Love. It's a great big marble 
palace and you have to select a guide to take you 
through it. It's just like heaven inside. It is all full 
of Cupids who run around and wait on you, and the 
furniture is made in the shape of hearts. {Aside to 
Patty.) Was that right ? 

Pat. I don't know. I suppose it was. 

Kate {interrupting her). Never mind about the 
rest. You know them. 

Judith. Where did you learn so much, Mabel ? 

Mabel. Oh, part of it is hereditary and I learned 
the rest at Bonn Avon. 

Nan. Clara, aren't you going to drink anything 
else ? 

Clara. Of course not, and you girls are going to 
be terribly ill if you don't stop. 



THE FOUR INNOCENTS. 35 

Pat. {after cautiously pouring her soda water into a 
bucket which is on the floor near her.) I haven't had 
near enough yet. {Hands g/ass to Aphrodite) I'll 
take a " coke " for a change, Aphy, and listen, fix me 
up a freezer of grape sherbet. I have a sick friend in 
San Antonio that I want to take it to. 

Aphro. Can't you get it there 'i 

Clara. Of course she can. They keep anything 
you want at Wagner's. 

Pat. Oh, I know — but I won't have time to stop 
by there to-night. 

Clara. I don't see why. It's all foolishness to 
buy it here and besides there's not enough room in the 
machine for it. 

Pat. Look here, Clara, you just run your own little 
dinky one horse peanut stand and I'll run mine. In 
other words, 'tend to your own business. 

{Enter Brigida O'Briggins, very gaudily dressed and 
carrying a carpet bag, ivhich she drops at the door. 
She runs up to the girls and embraces the?n very af- 
fectionately.) 

Brig. Howling Mither of Moses ! ! ! . Shure and 
Brigida is gloid to see her own darlin' lambs once 
more. 

Pandy. When did you come .<* 

Aphro. How did you get here? 

Socrat. We're so glad to see you ! 

Athena. Why didn't you let us know you were 
coming ? 

Brig. Shure and I'm top mixed up to answer ques- 
tions. 

Judith {giggling, aside to Mabel). Isn't she funny ? 

Pat. {to Brigida). Well, come on and have a 
drink with us, then. 

Brig. No, I niver drink. Miss. I belong to the 
Wimmin's Timperance Union. Me husband Patrick 
drank enough to keep us both drunk all the rist of our 
lives. Shure and he could niver tell the difference be- 
tween a push cart and a peanut wagun. 



36 THE FOUR INNOCENTS. 

Nan {laughing and handing her a glass of soda water). 
Oh, but this won't make you drunk. It hasn't a bit 
of whiskey in it. It's soda water. 

Brig, {tasting it). Shure and it's good. Now, me 
angels, I'll till you how I happen to be here. Your 
own litter arrived saying as how you were lonesome to 
see me and I make up me moind to come to you and 
surprise you. 

Pandy. But, Brigida, where is Maria Casterville ? 

Brig. Shure and she's right here in the same town 
with you. 

Aphro. What ! Maria Casterville here I 

SoCRAT. Surely you must be mistaken, Brigida. 

Brig. No, niver was I more certain of a thing, and 
she's up to some divilment, too. 

Athena {to Patty). Maybe she wants to get us 
back. You won't let her take us, will you? 

Pat. No, never. I'll protect you with this strong 
right arm of mine. 

Mabel. And if it's necessary to have a man to 
protect you, I'll 'phone for Freddie to come down here. 

Pandy. I'm going to ask you an honest question 
and I want an honest answer. What is a man? And 
who is Freddie ? (Girls look at each other in ainaze- 
meni.) You may think I'm an idiot, but I'm not one. 

Pat. The game's up, girls. We might as well tell 
them. They'll know to-night, anyway. {Takes a 
bunch of keys fi'om wall a7id hands them to Nan.) Here, 
Nan, go over there and open the bank and count the 
money. {^^^ proceeds to follow iustnictio7is.) 

Judith {followifig he?-). I'll help you. 

Pat. Now, Pandy, a man is — is — er — a man is a 
fellow who takes the place of a meal ticket. 

Pandy {shaking her head): I don't understand yet. 

Pat. Petrified pancakes ! Tell her what a man is, 
Kate. 

Kate. A man is a human being who excels woman 
in only one thing — his own estimation. He is a com- 
bination of egotism and egoism and 

Mabel {interrupting). Kate, how ca7i you say such 



THE FOUR INNOCENTS. 37 

things ? There's not a word of it true, Pandy. A man 
is the most perfectly lovable creature on earth. If you 
could only see Freddie, you'd think so too. 

Pandy. Is Freddie a man ? 

Mabel. Yes, and you see Freddie loves me and I 
love him and we both love each other so we're going 
to be married 1 

Pandy. Married 1 What does that mean ? 

Pat. Marriage means getting into a lot of trouble 
because you haven't sense enough to stay out of it. It 
means cooking, dish-washing, house cleaning, mending, 
darning and sewing on buttons. 

{Exit Kate.) 

Mabel. Patty, I'd be ashamed of myself. It doesn't 
mean anything of the kind. It means having a nice 
little home of your own and somebody to love you all 
of your life. 

Brig. No, Miss, you are mistaken — I lived with 
me old man Patrick for twinty years and niver had 
nayther av the two. 

{Eiiter Kate.) 

Kate {excitedly). Hurry, girls, and finish counting 
the money. The boys have come already. I heard 
them give nine 'rahs for Clute as they came through the 
gate. Of course they'll come here to the drug store 
the first thing. {Looking up from her counti?ig) Oh, 
it will be all right. There's going to be some left 
over. 

Pat. {helping them count). But we w/zi"/ hurry and 
get through before they come. 

Clara. What's all the excitement about ? 

Aphro. Why are you in such a hurry to count the 
money ? 

Judith. Here's a hundred and ten in this pile and 
fifty in this — that makes — let me see — one hundred 
and sixty— How much have you, Mabel ? 

Mabel. A hundred and seventy-five. 

Nan. And here's ^75.10. {takes pencil and piece of 



38 THE FOUR INNOCENTS. 

paper and figures it out.) Hurrah ! That makes 
$409.10. 

Kate. We've made a success, girls — a howHng 
success ! Just think 1 $409.10 and some left over. 

Nan. I just feel like shouting! I'm afraid the 
poor airship will never be perfected. 

Mabel. If Freddie were only here ! 

Pat. {holding up a glass of j'ed soda water). Here's 
to the downfall of Maria Casterville and the success of 
the four Freshies ! 



CURTAIN. 



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VOL. XLI. 

321 Th« Plrate'i Lesacj 

322 Th« Charcoal Burnw 
823 AJelgitha 

324 Soiior Valiente 
825 Forest Ro3« 
82« Duke'i Da>ight«r 
S27 Camilla's Husband 
328 Pure <Jold 

VOL. XLIL 
89S Ticket of Leave Man 
830 Fool'j Revenge 

331 O'lNeil tbe Great 

332 Handy Andy 

333 Pirate of the Isle* 

334 Fanchon 

335 Little Barefoot 
338 Wild Irish GiH 

VOL. XLIII. 

337 Pearl of Savoy 

338 Dead Heart 

339 Ten Nights in a Bar-room 

340 Dumb Boy of Manchester 

341 Belphe^or theMounteb'k 

342 Cricliet on the Hearth 

343 Printer's Devil 

344 Meg's Diversion 



{Frenches Standard Drama Continued from 2d page of Cover.) 



VOL. XLIV, 
348 Drunkard's Doom 

346 Chimney Corner 

347 Fifteen Years of a Drunk 

348 No Thoroughfare [ ard'i 

349 Peep O' Day LLife 

350 Everybody's Friend 

351 Gen. Grant 

362 Katlileen Mavoumeen 

VOL. XLV. 
353 Nick Whiffles 
364 Fruits of the Wine Cup 
35& Drunkard's Warning 

356 Temperance Doctor 

357 Aunt Dinah 

358 Widow Freeheart 

359 Frou Frou 

360 Lens Strike 
VOL. XLVI. 

361 Larcers 
Lu'ille 
Randall's Thumb 

364 Wicked WoHd 

365 Two Orphans 

366 Colleen B:iwn 



VOL. XLVIl. 

369 Saratoga 

370 Never Too Late to Mend 

371 Lily of France 

372 Led Astray 

373 Henry V 

374 Unequal Match 
76 May or Dolly'* Delusion 
76 Allatoona 

VOL. XLVIIL 

377 Enoch Arden 

378 Under the Gai Light 

379 Daniel Rochat 

380 Caste 

351 School 

352 Home 
David Garrick 
Ours 

VOL. XLIX. 
3<j5 Social Glass 

386 Daniel Druca ■''' 

387 Two Roses 
Adrienne 

389 Tbe Bell* 

390 Uncle 



367 'Twixt Axe and Crown 1.391 Courtship 

Lady Claticarthy 392 Not Such a i"ooI 



TOL. L. 

398 Fine Feather* 
394 Prompter's Box 
396 Iron M.\8ter 
896 Engaged 

h97 Pygmalion & Galate* 
3»3 Leah 

399 Scrap of Paper 

400 Lost in London 
VOL. M. 

401 Octoroon 

402 Confederate Spy 

403 Mariner's Return 

404 Ruined by Drink 

405 Dream* 

406 M. P. 

407 War 

408 Birth 
VOL. LIL 

409 Nightingale 

410 Progres* 
Play 

412 Midnight Charge 
"A Confidential Clerk 

414 Snowball 

415 Our Reuitnenv 

416 Married for Money 
Hamlet in Three Act* 
Guttle & Qulpit 



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OF THE WORKS OF THE BEST AUTHORS. 

The following very successful plays have just been issued at 25 cents per copy. 



A Pair of spectacles, comedy in 8 Acts 
by SvDNiiv Grundy, author of " Sowing the Wind," 
Ac. 8 male, 3 female characters. 

A POOL'S PARADISK. An original play In S 
Acts by SvDNKv Gritm Y, author of ''Sowing the 
Wind," Ac. 5 male, 4 fem.ile characters. 

THE SILVFR SHIELD. An original comedy in 
8 Act? by Syhnkv Grundy, author of "Sowing the 
Wind," Ac. 5 male, 3 female characters. 

THE OLAS8 OF FASHION-. An original com- 
edy in 4 Acts bySviNfv < .rundy, author of "Sowing 
the Wind," &c. 6 male. 5 female characters. 



THE BALLOON. Farcical comedy In 8 Acts by J. 

H. Darni.ky and Manville Fbnn. 6 mala, 4 female 

characters. 
MISS CLEOPATRA. Farce in 8 A«t« by Abthi/b 

Shiblky. 7 male, 8 female characters. 
SIX PERSONS. Comedy Act by I. Zangwill, 

1 male, 1 female character. 
FASHIONABLE INTELLIQINCE. Comedi- 
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cha .acter. 
HIOHLAND LEGACY. Comedy In 1 Act by 

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6 male, 2 female characters. 



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VOL. XLT 

Adventures of 
■ ost Child 
Court Cards 
Cox and Box 
I'ortv Winks 
Wonderful Woman 
Curious Case 
Tweedleton'i Tail Coat 



VOL. XLIL 

329 As Like as Two Peas 

330 Presumptive Evidence 
831 Happy Band 

332 Pinafore 
S33 Mock Trial 

334 My Uncle's Will 

335 Happy '^a^r 
886 My Turn Next 



VOL. XLHL 

337 Sunset 

338 For Half a Million 

339 C ble Car 
:140 Eirly Bird 

341 Alumni Play 

342 Show of Hands 

343 Barbara 

344 Who's Who 



VOL. XLIV. 

345 Who's To Win Him 

346 Which i s Which 

347 Cup of Tea 

SI'S Sarah's Young Man 

349 Hearts 

350 In Honor Bound [Law 

351 Freezing a Mother-in- 
362 My Lord In Livery 



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VOL. I. 
1 Tkt Wih Attorney 
f Boot* lit the Swan 
t How to P*y the lUut 
4 Th« Loan of a L«T«r 
t Th» Dead Shot 
( HU Last '■•« 
t Th« InTU.ble Prino* 
• The GoMen Faruisr 

VOL. II. 
t Prld« of the Markit 

10 Vfd Up 

1 1 Th« Irish Tutor 
18 The Barrack Room 
13 Luke the La 'orar 
U Beauty and the Beait 
16 St. Patrick's Eve 
IS Captain of the Watch 

VOL. IIL 
IT The Secret , [pe 

15 White Horte of the Pe] 
1» The Jacobite 

90 The Bottle 

91 Box and Cox 
99 Bamhooilliig 
9S Widow'e Victim 
94 Robert Macaire 

VOL. IV. 
91 Secret Servlc* 
8t Omnibus 
27 Irish Lion 

88 Maid of CrolsiT 
91 The Old Guard 
SO Raising the Wind 
81 Slather and Crasher 

89 Naval Eng igementt 

VOL. V. 
S8 Cocknies in Calitbrula 
34 Wlio Spe.iks First 
3i Bombastes Furioso 
8( Macbeth Travestle 

87 Irish Ambassador 

88 Delicate Ground 
8t The Weathercock [Gold 

40 All that Glitters it Not 

VOL. VI. 

41 Orlmthaw, Bagshaw and 

Bradshaw 
49 Rough Diamond 

48 Bloomer Costume 
U Two Bounyca^tles 
(» Bom to Good Luck 
t» Kiss In the Dark [jurer 

47 'Twould Puiile • Con- 
iS Kin or Cure 

VOL. VII. 

49 Box and Cox Married and 
»C St. Cupid [Settled 
61 Go-to-bed Tom 

18 The Lawyers 

63 Jack Sheppard 

64 The Toodlet 

16 The Mobcap 

65 Ladies Beware 

VOL. VIIL 
»T Morning Call 

68 Popping the Quettlot 

69 Deaf «8 a Post 

50 Ne ,T Footman 
II Pleitsant Neighbor 

48 Paddy the Piper 
68 Brian O'LInn 
44 Irish Assurance 

VOL. IX 

46 Temptation 
44 Paddv Carey 

47 Two aregorlei 

48 King Charming 

19 Po-ca-hon-tas 

70 Clockmaker's Hat 

71 Married Rake 
79 Lore and Murder 

VOL. X. 

78 Ireland and America 
74 Pr«tty Piece of Business 
TJ Irlah Breom-maker 
74 Te Paris and Baek foi 

Five Poundi 
77 Tkat Blessed Babv 
fS Our Oal 

79 SniH Cottage 

80 YouBg Widow 



VOL. XI. 
81 O'Flanuig in and the Fal- 
88 Irish Post [ries 

88 My Neighbor'. Wife 

84 Irish Tiger 

85 P. P., or Man and Tiger 

86 To Oblige Benson 

87 StaU Secrets 

88 Irish Yankee 

VOL. XIL 
39 A Good Fellow 
90 Cherry and Fair Star 
<tl Gale Breezely 

92 Our Jemiiiiy 

93 Miller's Maid 

94 Awkward Arrival 

95 Crossing the Line 
98 Conjugal Lesson 

VOL. XIII. 

97 My Wife's Mirror 

98 Lile in New York 

99 Middy Ashore 

100 Crown Prince 

101 Two Queens 

102 Thumping Legacy 

103 Unfinished "-atleman 

104 House Dog 

VOL. XIV. 
106 The Demon Lover 

106 Matrimony 

107 In and Out of Place 

108 I Dine with My Motlier 

109 Hi-a-wa-tha 

110 Andv Blake 

111 Love in '76 [tie; 

112 Romance under Difflcul 

VOL. XV. 

113 One Coat for i Suit* 

114 A Decided Case 

115 Daughter [norlt\ 
US No; or, the Glorious Mi 

117 Coroner's Inquisition 

118 Love in Huujble Lif« 

119 Family Jars 

120 I'ersonation 

VOL. XVI. 

121 Children in the Wood 

122 Wiiminga Husband 
,123 Day After tlie Fair 

124 Mai(j Your WilU 
1 125 Rendezvous 
126 My Wife's Husband 
I J7 Monsieur Tonson 

128 lUustriou* Stranger 

VOL. XVII. 

129 Mischief-Making [Mi ne 

1 !0 A Live Woman in the 
l:n The Corsair 

132 Shylock 

133 Spoiled Child 

134 Evil Eye 

135 Vothing to Narg« 

136 Wanted »^\Mdow 

VOL. XVITI. 

137 Lottery Ticket 

1 38 Fortune's Frolic 

139 Is he Jealous! 

140 Married Bachelor 

141 Husband at Sight 

142 Irishman In London 

143 >_nlina! Ma;»netism 

144 Highways and By-W ay 

VOL. XIX. 

145 Colutnbus 

146 Harlequin Bluebeard 

147 Ladie< at Home 

14S I'henomenon in a Suock 
Frock 

149 Comedy and Tragedy 

150 Opposite Neighbors 
161 Dutchman's Ghost 
152 Persecuted r>utchraan 

VOL. XX. 
1 63 Musard Ball 
.54 Great Tragic Revival 
155 High Low Jack A Game 
154 A Gentleman from Ire 
1S7 Tom and Jerry [land 
15« Villige Lawyer 
IM Captain's not A-miss 
IWt Amateurs and Actors 




016 103 985 8 



161 Pr< 

162 A 

163 Mr, 

164 Sh.-) 
16i N«i 

166 Lad 

167 Tak 
i68 Irisl 



169 Yankee Peddler 

170 Hiram Hireout 

171 Double-Bedded Room 

172 The Drama Deiended 

173 Vermont Wool Dealer 

174 Ebeneier Venture [ter 

175 Principles from Charac- 

176 Lady of the Lake (Trav) 

VOL. XXIU. 

177 Mad Dogs 

178 Barney the Baron 

179 Swiss Swains 

180 Bachelor's Bedroum .. 

181 A Roland for an Oliver 
183 More Blunders than One 
183 Dumb Belle 

1^4 Limirick boy 

VOL. XXIV. 
1S5 Nature and Philosophy 
ks6 Teddy the Tiler 
187 Spectre Bridegroom 

88 Matteo Falcone 

89 Jenny Liud 
190 Two Buszarde 

Happy Mm 

192 Betsy Baker 
VOL. XXV. 

193 No. 1 Round the Comer 

194 Teddy Roe 

95 Object of Interest 
196 My Fellow Clerk 
97 Bengal Tiger 

198 Laughing Hvena 

199 The Victor Vanquished 

200 Our Wife 

VOL. XXVI. 

201 My Husband's Mirror 

202 Yankee Land 
903 Norah Creina 
204 Good for Nothing 
206 The First Night 

206 The Eton Boy 

207 Wandering Minstrel 

208 Wanted, 1000 Milliner* 

VOL. XXVIL 

209 Poor Pilcoddy 

210 The Mummy [Glass-es 

211 Don't Forget your Opera 

212 Love in Liverv 

213 Anthony and Cleopatra 

214 Trying It On 

215 Stage Struck Yankee 

216 Young Wife & Old Um 

brella 

VOL. xxvni. 

217 Crinoline 

218 A Fau.iiy Failing 

219 AdoptedChild 

220 Turned Heads 

221 A Match in the Dark 

222 Advice to Husbands 

223 Siamese Twins 

224 Sent to the Tower 

VOi.. XXfX. 
925 Somebody f-Mse 
2 6 Ladies' liattle 

227 <rt of Acting 

228 The Lady of the Lions 
2^9 The Riglits of Man 

230 My Husnand's Ghost 

231 Two Can Play at that 

Game 

232 Fighting by Proxy 

VOL. XXX. 

233 Unprotected Female 

234 Pet of the Petticoats 

235 Forty and Fifty [book 

236 Wh6 Stole the Pocket 
•'37 My Son Diana [sion 
2'W Unwarrantable I n t 

239 Mr, md M'i, Wiiite 

240 A Quiet Family 



[ter 



249 Dr. Dllworth 

250 Out to Nurse 

251 A Lucky Hit 

252 The Dowager 

253 Metamora (Burlesque) 

254 Dreams of Delusion 

255 The Shaker Lovere 
266 Ticklish Times 

VOL. XXXIIL 
/51 20 Minutes with a Tiger 

258 Miralda; or, the Justice 

of Tacon 

259 A Soldier's Courtship 

260 Servants by Legacy 

261 Dying for Love 
'26'i Alarming Sacrifice 

263 Valet de Shnm 

264 Nicholas Mckleby 
VOL. XXXIV. 

266 The Last of the Pigtails 

266 King Rene's Daughter 

267 Th« Grotto Nymph 

268 A Devilish Good Joke 

269 A Twice Told Tale 

270 Pas de Fascination 
■71 Revolutionary Soldier 

272 A Man Without a Head 

VOL. XXXV. 

273 The Olio, Part 1 
874 Tne Olio, Part S 

275 The Olio, Part 3 

276 The Trumpeter's 

277 Seeing Warren 

278 Green Mountain Boy 

279 That Nose 

280 Tom Noddy's Secret 

VOL. XXXVL 

281 Shocking EvenU 

282 A Regular Fix 

283 Dick Tiirpin 

284 Young Sc imp 

285 Young Actrese 

286 Call at No. 1— T 

2,«7 One Touch of Nature 

288 Two B'hoys 

VOL. XXXVII. 

289 All the World's a Stage 
'^90 Quash, or Nigger Prao- 

291 Turn Him Out [tiee 

292 Pretty Girls of Stlllberg 

293 Angel of the Attic 

294 r'rcumstancesalterCases 

295 Ratty O'Sheal 
298 A Supper in Dixie 

VOL. XXXVIIL 

297 Id on Parle Francals 

298 Who Killed Cock Robin 

299 Declaration of Independ- 

300 Heads or Tails [ence 

301 Obstinate Family 

302 My Aunt 

303 That Rascal Pat 

304 Don Paddy de Baian 

VOL. XXXIX. [ture 

305 Too Much for Good Na- 
806 Cure for the Fidgets 

307 Jack's the Lad 

308 Much Ado A bout Nothing 

309 Artful Dodirer 

310 Winning Hazard 

311 Day's Fishing [*C. 

312 Did you ev r send your, 

VOL. XL. 

313 An Irishman's Manenver 

314 Cousin Fannie 

31 5 'Tif toe Darkent Hourbe- 

316 Masquerade [fore Dawn 

317 Crowding the Season 
3H Good Nisrht'sRest 

319 Man with theCarpetB'j 

320 Terrible Tinker 



(French's Minor Drama Continue.i on -fd pa^e of Cover.) 



SAMUEL FRENCH, 28-30 West 38th Street. New York City. 

New and Explicit Descriptive Catalo§:ue Mailed Free on Request. 



